Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Instant Update

Wow. I just found out that my cousin was stabbed to death last night. He was only 30 years old, but had a troubled life. Perhaps this ending to His life will be a wake-up call to His older brother. I, myself, was once on this same road to hell. But by a miracle, not of my own making, was I saved from that lonely end. Drugs and alcohol had been my only source of relief for most of my life, but became my prison as well. For those who do not understand addiction, I would describe it to you. Imagine yourself lost in a vast forest or jungle. You are feeling overcome with the fear of never finding your way home. You have walked a long way and are exhausted mentally and physically. You stop to rest. As you ponder your situation, you remember the last time you felt any happiness or hope. It was the last time you got high. You were sure you had found the way out, but when the high was gone, your hope and happiness was gone too. So onward you trekked, driven by your innate will to survive. Until you needed to rest, so here you are resting. Your thoughts keep returning to that last good feeling. After a while, you can resist the urge no more. Your own mind has somehow convinced you, once again, that you will find your way if only you are high again. You have rationalized all past misdeeds and anything else your conscience can through your way till only the guilt and remorse remain when remembering the past. Your addiction uses this as a bludgeon, to beat you into submission. You are exhausted and reach for the only relief you know. Escape into the "high". But every subsequent high brings only shorter periods of happiness and hope. When your high is gone, you realize that you have been only walking in circles, going nowhere. You pick yourself up, more exhausted than before and travel on again until the time comes when you must rest again. The inevitable happens. You are an addict and you do what addicts do. You reach for the only escape that you know, even if it is only temporary. You are so tired and there is no end in sight except one. You are truly lost. It is, you believe, your fate. So you end up doing anything and everything to get your relief and make sure it is available when you need it. These actions only add to your remorse and guilt. It is a downward spiral. There is no hope and rest will only come at the very end. I hope this will give non-addicts some understanding of what it feels like on the inside of active addiction. To those still actively addicted, you now know that there is a way out. You can find the way just as I have. If you do, it will be more than you had ever hoped for. I wish you all good luck and happiness. With Love....



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