Monday, January 7, 2008

Drug Rehab-A Personal Account

My personal experience with drug rehab was not a success. I had gone to the local hospital seeking help for my problem. I was having quite a problem with a GHB. I had gotten to the point where I needed to take this stuff about every two hours or I would begin to experience withdrawal symptoms. I had maintained my GHB level for about a year and a half. During this time I would bounce from overdose to overdose. I was amazingly still holding down a job, but I was thoroughly exhausted. The hospital had no experience with this drug, but I was admitted anyway. I don't remember much about my early detox. I was hallucinating and psychotic for about three days. When I finally became coherent, I started attending the rehab program. I was serious about getting off drugs and staying clean, but I was not totally beat by drugs and alcohol because in my mind, I still had the idea that somehow I was different from the other people in rehab. I learned a lot in the program and became friends with most of my fellow addicts. Despite having gained much knowledge about addiction and about myself, when I was finally discharged I only stayed clean for about a week. What caused my relapse? Many things. I learned about triggers in rehab, but once I was back in my old environment, I was overwhelmed by them. My house was filled with memories of using. There was one particular room where I had done most of my using. It almost seemed haunted. I felt very uncomfortable every time I had to be in there and I avoided that room as much as possible. There were many people and places that I could not avoid. It was too much for me and I fell right back into my old patterns of thinking and then the obsession returned. For me, I know now that I could never have stayed clean in that environment. How much of it needed to be different? I honestly don't know. There was too much for me to cope with in those old surroundings and old ways of thinking cannot be changed in 30 days. I had drank and drugged for 20 years. During that time I had put a lot of effort into getting high. I will need to put a lot of effort into my recovery. Getting high had it's rewards. Recovery has it's rewards as well. I needed to get to the point where I could experience the rewards of sobriety on a daily basis because I got high on a daily basis for so long. There are many rewards that sober living gives to me which active addiction never could. Too many to list. One very big difference for me is that the load of guilt I used to carry around is now gone. I have found true happiness and peace. It is more than I had ever hoped for or thought that I deserved. We all deserve to feel this way. You can too. There is hope for all of us. Seek and you will find it. It can be found among others in recovery.


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home