Sunday, September 7, 2008

When Now Seems Like Forever

Living with depression can be quite challenging at times. I need to keep reminding myself that things are not as bad as my mind would have me believe. It is no wonder I abused drugs and alcohol for so many years. To naturally desire escape and peace from these feeling without knowing any positive ways to cope with them either leads to madness or self-medication. I know there are many others out there living with this problem and I am sure some of them are self-medicating. We do not hear enough about these types of problems in my opinion. Also, people who have not suffered from depression probably have a hard time understanding it. When I am depressed, I feel quite hopeless and my thoughts become obsessive. I continually am thinking about the things that are wrong in my life which just deepens the gloomy feelings. But I have learned to remember all the blessing I have, especially at times like this. I also must realize that my mind can be my worst enemy. Things are almost never as bad as I think they are. I have heard someone say, "the worst things in my life never happened", or something like that. I am grateful to have found help from my doctor and most of all to the most famous 12 step program. It is ongoing therapy which I will need for the rest of my life. For whatever the reason, my mind sometimes is just not 'right', but I am now able to realize this. Thank God for that. I wish you all peace and serenity!


Blogger PATRICK said...

Four years ago I dropped into a black hole – four months of ABSOLUTE TERROR!! I wanted to end my life, but somehow [Holy Spirit]... I reached out to a friend who took me to hospital.

I had three visits [hospital] in four months – I actually thought I was in hell. I had been seeing a therapist [1994] on a regular basis.

I actually thought I would be locked away – but the hospital staffs were very supportive...I had no control over my process.

I was released from hospital 16th September 1994, but my fear, pain & shame had only subsided a little. I remember this particular morning waking up [home] & my process would start up again [fear, pain, & shame].

No one could help me, not even my therapist [I was terrified].

I asked JESUS CHRIST to have mercy on me & forgive me my sins.Slowly, all my fear has dissipated & I believe Jesus delivered me from my “psychological prison.”

I am a practicing Catholic & the HOLY SPIRIT is my friend & strength; every day since then has been a joy & blessing.

I deserve to go to hell for the life I have led, but Jesus through His sacrifice on the cross, delivered me from my inequities.

John 3: 8, John 15: 26, are verses I can relate to, organically. He’s a real person who is with me all the time.

I have so much joy & peace in my life, today, after a childhood spent in orphanages [England & Australia].

Fear, pain, & shame, are no longer my constant companions. I just wanted to share my experience with you [Luke 8: 16 – 17].

Esther said...
AA and the recovery movement has pretty much destroyed my marriage.I'm biding my time.

My husband has never been so selfish and self centered. He wont argue about anything,unless he's sure that he's right. He talks to his sponsor more than me.So what the point in going on.

He was a zombie when he got out of rehab, he's sort of normal now, but he still acts like an AA clone. He would sit and stare.He's still on the rehab schedule, he gets up at a rediculous hour of the morning and reads the 24 hours a day brainwashing crap and the as Bill sees it garbage.

I'm fed up. He's no fun at all.I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life like this. He told people at our church that I don't agree with AA, so guess what. I no longer have friends there anymore. I want out.

Sonja said....
Wow! Patrick thank you for visiting my blog....I am amazed at the saving Power of Jesus!!! He indeed has been GOOD to you!

Praise the Lord for your deliverance. I will put your blog on my favorites...You encouraged my soul brother! I am thankful the Lord used you to do it!
I will pray for you that you will walk in the continued FULLNESS of the Holy Spirit!!!!

BloggerGrandparents Corner said...
Patrick, what a testament you have! My mother in law was also an alcoholic and saved by God's grace. AA and the 12 step program didn't help. It was Jesus that picked her up, and she never looked back. She passed away last year and is dearly missed by us and her church family.

Many blessings to you!

September 27, 2008 at 5:39 AM  
Anonymous E said...


I am sorry to hear about your problems with "the recovery movement". Are you saying though, that your husband is worse now than when he was was still using? Was he fun before? For myself, I know that while I was an active alcoholic/addict, I was supremely selfish and self centered. I also know that active addiction and early sobriety are both very hard on a marriage. Many will get divorced after finding sobriety. When I found sobriety, I saw everything in a much different way. My wife and I divorced. I don't know the exact reason for it, but sometimes I suspect that she liked me better when I was using. Addiction is not just about the person who is using. It also involves everyone around him or her. I would suggest to you, that you attend Alanon to try to get a different perspective on your relationship. Honestly trying AA or Alanon is a direct challenge to any persons ego. It is not easy otherwise many more people would do it. I had to be desperate before I became willing to try it. You must decide if the relationship is important enough to you to take this step. To stay sober, your husband must put his sobriety before everything else. For myself, I am happy that with the help of AA and God that I was able to 'wash my brain'. 30 years of believing my own BS had warped me to the point of insanity. Make an honest effort to see this for what it is and try to make the best decision for yourself. I wish you the best.

September 28, 2008 at 7:16 AM  

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